Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
