He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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