guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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