Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
