Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
