sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
