I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
