Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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