All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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