Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
