I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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