so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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