mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
