So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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