you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
