i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
