I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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