He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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