tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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