I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
