I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
