like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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