i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
