remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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