I just pynch a tree in the face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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