I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
