Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
