He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize