never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
