allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Drake has all the answers
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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