too bad you live with your parents still
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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