Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
