oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
