Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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