I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
