Don't make out with my wife yet
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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