i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
