It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
