capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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