Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
