why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
