well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
