I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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