You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
