A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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