ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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