Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
