Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
