I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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