I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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