Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
