This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
