We got so high we made milksteak
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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