Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
