not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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