I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
