Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
