I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
