We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize