Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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