So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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