Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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