it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i've created a new STD.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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