I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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