I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she told me i tasted like america
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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