come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
