They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
