So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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