I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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