I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize