I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize