Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
