take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
