So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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