I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
God I need to hump something, right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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