So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
