YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
