U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
