my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
