Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
