Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
