I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
